Newsletter - #5 Seeing with Friendly Eyes

 Speaking from Gratitude and Appreciation

A monthly practice for clarity, compassion, and calm

🧠 SMALL ESSAY: The Lens of Friendly Eyes

What would happen if we looked at ourselves and others through eyes of appreciation — not judgment?

To see with friendly eyes is to remember basic goodness — the simple truth that beneath our frustrations, fears, and defenses, there is something steady and kind.

When we speak through this lens, our words shift. They soften. They include instead of exclude. Even in moments of conflict, our tone carries warmth instead of warning.

But this isn’t always easy. Some days, gratitude feels far away. Appreciation feels forced. Especially when we’re hurting, tired, or disappointed — when the world feels sharp around the edges.

That’s when the practice matters most. Because every time we choose to find even a single thing to appreciate — in ourselves, in another person, or in a difficult situation — we step outside our comfort zone of judgment and move toward growth.

Each time we stretch toward appreciation, our comfort zone expands. Each time we choose not to, it shrinks a little.

This month, let’s explore what happens when we let thankfulness shape our language — with ourselves and with others.

💬 SELF-TALK SCRIPT: Friendly Communication Starts Within

When your inner dialogue turns critical or closed, try softening it with one of these phrases:

🧠 “Can I speak to myself like someone I care about.”
🧠 “Can I see with a good eye?”
🧠 “This isn't helping me. What will?”

When speaking to others, try these re-centering thoughts before responding:

💬 “Can I see their intention? Can I see their suffering?”
💬 “What’s one thing I like about this person right now”
💬 “Can I see the good right now?”

Click here to download and print.

🧘 MINI GUIDE: A Practice for Seeing with Friendly Eyes

1. Pause before reacting.
Notice your first impulse — to correct, defend, or withdraw. Then squeeze your fist and take a breath.

2. Ask yourself:
“What’s one good intention I can assume here?”

3. Shift your attention to appreciation.
It could be small: “I appreciate that they care enough to bring this up.”
Or, “I appreciate that I’m showing up, even if it’s messy.”

4. Speak from that place.
Instead of, “You never listen,”
try, “I really appreciate when you make space for me to share.”

Use I statements instead of you statements.

Over time, this subtle shift — from frustration to friendliness, from fear to appreciation — transforms not only your words, but the energy that carries them.

🌿 USING THANKFULNESS IN PRACTICE: Turning Toward Discomfort

Gratitude isn’t only for the moments that feel easy or good.
It can also meet us in the moments that feel tight, uncomfortable, or overwhelming.

When you feel the discomfort rise in your body — the racing heart, the warmth in the face, the tightness in the jaw or chest — instead of fighting it or pushing it away, try this:

1. Pause and thank the feeling for being here.
   “Thank you for showing me I’m scared.”
   “Thank you for reminding me I care.”

2. Appreciate what it’s telling you.
   Discomfort is a messenger. It may be pointing to fear, anger, guilt, or the wish to be seen and respected.

3. Turn toward yourself with friendliness.
   “It’s okay to be scared. I can handle this.”
   “It’s okay to feel angry. I can listen to what this is trying to show me.”

When we meet our discomfort with appreciation instead of resistance, it loses its sharpness. It becomes a companion rather than an enemy — a reminder that growth often begins in unease.

This is where gratitude becomes transformative — not just something we say, but something we practice in the body.

Don't forget to download your Thanksgiving Mindful Communication Survival Guide! 

🎧 PRIVATE PODCAST EPISODE:

Gratitude as a Communication Practice
A reflective audio exploring how appreciation reshapes tone, intention, and presence — with a guided meditation to help you soften your gaze toward yourself and others.

🎧 Yes Meditation

Click here to access the meditation for this month. 

🎧 Ask Me Anything

Listen to this month's ask me anything. 

Here is another question that came in this month. 

Make sure to keep sending in questions for the ask me anything section of the newsletter. Click here to send in a question and click here listen to last months questions. 

🪞 JOURNAL PROMPTS: Exploring Gratitude in Communication

Use these prompts to bring this month’s theme into your daily awareness:

1. When I speak to myself, what tone do I most often use? How might it shift if I spoke from appreciation?

2. Who in my life can I practice seeing with “friendly eyes” this week? What might that look like in action?

3. Think of a recent moment of tension or misunderstanding — what is one thing you can now appreciate about yourself or the other person in that moment?

4. What sensations arise in my body when I feel thankful? When I feel closed or resistant?

5. How does gratitude change the way I listen?

6. Where in my life can I thank discomfort for showing me something important?

Share Your Comments

Share your questions and get my support! Click Here