Newsletter #2 – Let Go of Getting It Right — Here’s What to Do Instead

I’m so glad you’re here. This space is for slowing down, tuning in, and learning to communicate with more clarity, care, and confidence. 

How did last month go for you in applying the Pause Principle? Did you notice any changes in your conversations? 

This month is about practing being present in our conversations. 

🧠 Essay: “The Myth of Saying It Right”

For most of my life I thought there was a right way to say something. If in my relationship I could figure out how to ask for what I needed in a way that wasn't met with a reaction that would fix the issue, or if I could figure out the right way to say something at work, I wouldn't be misunderstood and my ideas would be taken seriously going forward. 

And while I tried within each interaction to use the right words, even incorporating scripts from other people, trying to say the perfect thing, it never worked. 

If you're in this camp of trying to say the perfect thing all the time, I know where you are. And it can be exhausting. 

Always thinking in a conversation.

Always trying to make it right. 

What's hard is that people are going to react no matter how or what we say. And when I started understanding this that's when my relationship to saying the right thing began to change.

For so long it was about how to say the right thing to avoid someone else's reaction, when what it's really about, is trusting that I can express myself in a kind, honest, and helpful way - and handle any reaction I receive in the same way. 

Note: It's important to know what our responsibility is within a conversation. I am responsible for my words, reactions, body language, how I'm using silence. The other person is responsible for their words, reactions, body language, how they're using silence. The only thing we have in common is the health of the conversation itself. 

To trust ourselves to be kind, honest, and helpful (all three at the same time) requires that we're present with ourselves in an interaction, reminding ourselves to drop the distractions (our thoughts, worries, fears, doubts) and focus on what's happening right now, right here. 

Asking ourselves, how can I be helpful right now? How can I be kind? How can I be honest? Is what I'm about to say kind, honest, helpful, and necessary?

Thinking up or trying to find the perfect way to say something will likely prevent you from having a conversation or create more confusion and complexity within an interaction that doesn't need to be there. 

What if instead you dropped the distraction (your want to say the right thing, the worry about not saying it perfectly) and focused on trusting yourself in the moment to be kind, honest, and helpful?

🌀 Mini Guide: Speaking with Kindness, Honesty & Helpfulness (All at Once)

Trusting ourselves to speak with kindness, honesty, and helpfulness at the same time takes practice. It doesn’t happen by accident — it happens when we’re present with ourselves in the interaction, grounded in this moment, and attuned to our impact.

To do this, we need to create a little space between stimulus and response — a space where we can gently drop the noise:
→ the mental rehearsals
→ the fears of how we’ll be received
→ the doubt about whether we’re “getting it right”

And instead, ask ourselves a few intentional questions before (or even during) a conversation:

• What would it mean to be helpful right now?

• What would kindness sound like in this moment?

• What’s the most honest way I can speak — without harming?

• Is what I’m about to say kind, honest, helpful… and necessary?

Try asking one of these questions the next time you feel yourself rushing, reacting, or spiraling into overthinking.

Let this be an experiment:
Not in saying the perfect thing — but in staying present enough to respond with integrity.

✨ Small shift, big difference.

🎧 Private Podcast Link:

Episode 2: “Presence Before Performance” Click here to listen. 

🧘‍♀️ Self Talk Script: “There's No Right Way to Say This”

When you notice that you're trying to find the perfect words and come up with the right way to say something, tell yourself the following             

• I don't have to come up with a perfect way to say this. They're going to have a reaction no matter what I say - maybe it will be good, maybe it will be bad - and that's okay, because I'm just gathering information. 

•  I can trust myself to be present in the conversation and say what needs to be said in a kind, honest, and helpful way. 
• The right words are already within me. I don't have to try so hard.

🖋 Journal Prompt

Think of a recent interaction that left you feeling unsettled or unsure.

• What would kindness have looked like in that moment?

• Were you honest? Were you helpful?

• What got in the way of trusting your voice or expressing it clearly?

• If you could revisit that moment with more presence, how might it look or feel different?

🖼 Printable Reflection Card

Make sure to print out the above reflection card to help you keep this practice top of mind for the month.

💬 Invitation to Engage

What’s one conversation this week where you can let go of the stress of trying to say the right thing? 

Share your questions and get my support! Click Here