Last week, my son wanted to get his hair cut like one of his favorite soccer players.

He had picked out the style and was so excited.

When we got to the barbershop, though, the barber explained that she couldn't recreate the haircut exactly. The player has a different hair texture and pattern, so the fade wouldn't sit the same way on Holden's hair.

Instead, she gave him a haircut inspired by the one he wanted.

The moment he looked in the mirror, his face fell.

"I don't like it."

On the way home, he told me he didn't want to go to camp the next day because everyone would see his hair.

He was heartbroken.

As I listened, I noticed something happening inside of me.

I wanted to convince him it wasn't that bad.

I wanted to remind him that this was the haircut he'd chosen.

I wanted to explain, once again, why the barber couldn't do exactly what he'd asked for.

In other words...

I wanted to argue him out of where he was.

But then I remembered our practice for this month.

Presence isn't helping someone get out of their feelings as quickly as possible.

Presence is being willing to stay with them while they're having them.

That doesn't mean we agree with every thought they're thinking.

It doesn't mean we encourage the suffering.

It simply means we're willing to be with another human being without rushing them somewhere else.

Was it comfortable for me to sit with his disappointment?

Not at all.

Every part of me wanted to make it better.

But I also knew there was no need to add more pain by telling him he shouldn't feel the way he did.

Sometimes the kindest thing we can offer isn't an explanation.

It's our presence.

This week, I'd like to invite you into a simple practice.

Choose one conversation.

Just one.

As you're listening, notice when you feel the urge to fix, reassure, explain, or persuade.

Then pause.

Take a breath.

And ask yourself:

What would it look like to be just 5% more present right now?

You may discover that your presence is far more healing than any words you could have found.

xx

Cynthia