Wouldn’t it be great if your interactions could go the way you want them to go?

That you didn’t shut down or shy away from discussing sensitive issues. That there weren’t many unspoken things or assumptions made and arguments and defensiveness. That you didn’t become so emotional and have difficulty remaining open in difficult conversations. Or that if you just stopped speaking your mind so much and talking over people everything would be great?

The truth though is that rarely do interactions go the way you'd like them to go.

As some of my students have said, "it's like the words just fall out of my mouth and I have no control over them."  

I’m talking to this now, because I’ve been there.

I used to be very passive aggressive, overwhelmed during confrontation, super defensive and argumentative. If I felt criticized in any way I would close down. I took everything personally, which would paralyze me for the rest of a conversation. I would get so caught up in the interaction that I would sit in it and marinate and stew, having a hard time letting anything go, so I’d constantly bring up previous issues that I’d “supposedly” gotten over or let go of  – all of which would just keep the same loop and cycle of miscommunication going and going.

This way of interacting damaged my romantic relationships, friendships, and day to day happiness. I constantly felt unsatisfied and on edge.

I know this to be true because the way I communicated or didn’t communicate was what broke down what at one time were thriving, loving, caring, and fun relationships. And I see this firsthand with my students - how not knowing how to communicate can destroy marriages, family relationships, business partnerships, friendships, and leave them feeling unsatisfied and unlike themselves. A version of someone they don’t recognize nor want to be. 

You might be wondering how if I was such a horrible communicator did I figure out how to shift the way I communicated so that I have a thriving marriage, present relationship with my children, close friendships, trustworthy business relationships, and feel satisfied and like myself the majority of the time. And how in the world do I help those I work with do the same.

A little bit about me ...

I was at the lowest of the low when I realized I needed to find a new way to communicate in the world.

My first love, Mauricio, passed away unexpectedly in 2011 and it was then that I learned life was too short to be unhappy with others, myself, and the world.

I knew I wanted to be in a healthy romantic relationship, have nurturing friendships, and respect those I had working relationships with I just had no idea how to make that happen. I knew I wanted to find words to adequately express myself, to respond instead of react when conflicts came up, to let go of my defensiveness that had limited any upward movement, and to feel grounded and be curious about others instead of judgmental, I wanted to stop taking things personally, and to accept myself more deeply so that I didn’t get mad at myself so easily. I wanted to be open, a better listener, to be able to accept what’s true about a situation and not make excuses, to nip potential problems in the bud before they became extinction level meltdowns. I wanted to respect the way I interacted with others, for things to be easy, to feel capable of having the types of relationships I wanted. 

Again, this was all great in theory, but there I was surrounded by tissues on my floor in New York City wondering how. So I read, went to lectures, retreats, seminars, and then I took a meditation and writing workshop where I was introduced to the elements of right speech in Buddhism and suddenly I left with guidelines to follow: tell the truth, don’t exaggerate, use helpful language, and don’t gossip. And so the next day I started my lifestyle experiment to figure out how to actually implement the elements of right speech and cultivated a practice of communication that turned all of what I knew I wanted into my reality. And this was how the practice of the Kane Intentional Communication Method was born.

The practice has not only changed my life but is also solving communication challenges for others. Through my DailyOM courses, bestselling books (How to Communicate Like a Buddhist, Talk to Yourself Like a Buddhist, How to Meditate Like a Buddhist), and the Intentional Communication Training Program, I've worked with over 50,000 people to help them become more confident and present in their interactions. 

When Sharon started the training program she wanted to improve communication between her and her husband. They’d been together for seven years and she’d felt stuck in the same cycle for so long. Where both of them would be on edge each time something came up to discuss, because they both knew how it would go. And it rarely went well. She’d spent years trying to get her communication in order and just after a few weeks working together she told me that her relationship was the best it’d ever been. She was listening to her husband for the first time, and noticing how a minor issue would become a major miscommunication because she talked in a round about way. She told me that it feels like now she has a blueprint for how to have the types of interactions she wants. For Sharon it’s already making a huge difference in her marriage and also her parenting.

Just think of what your friendships, partnerships, love life, career could look like if you communicated differently within them. I can mention a handful of opportunities you get from communicating in this way right here:

• Freedom: Imagine how liberating it would be to not have to worry all the time about what you said or didn’t say, or what other people were saying to you.
• Time: Think of how much more time you’d have in your days if you weren’t arguing, complaining, talking about others, or thinking the same thoughts again and again and feeling stuck in the same emotions.
• Confidence: If you could say what you wanted to say without fear of saying it, or if you believed that what you had to say was valuable and necessary and you could navigate any interaction with ease, well, confidence would be oozing out of you.
• Connection: When you’re paying attention to speaking in a kind, honest, and helpful way you’re cultivating more connection with those in your life. You’re taking a true interest in learning about them and asking questions and getting to know them, having more intimate conversations. It keeps you truly present with those in your life.
• Clarity: To be able to express yourself you have to get very clear on what you want. What feels good to you? What you need to feel better? And what you end up getting with all this clarity is ownership of your life.
• No regrets: Because you learn how to express yourself, even when it's difficult, you no longer experience regret. You're no longer holding back or letting others wants weigh more than your own.

If you already know you want to apply to the training go ahead and click below. If you're not sure if the training is right for you then keep reading!

Who is this training for? For you if you want to

• enhance the quality of your relationships with your partner, children, colleagues, boss, parents, etc

• become less reactive
• stop judging yourself and others
• control what comes out of your mouth
• start trusting yourself and others
• handle confrontational situations
• talk easily with and listen to those you may not agree with 
• know when to speak and when to keep quiet
• feel good and proud of your interactions
• be more present in your life and interactions
• reduce the stress within your conversations
• learn how to be heard and seen by others

I accept 5-6 students a month into the training program. And what makes them successful is their willingness to do something they've never done before, their courage to see themselves and others clearly, and their knowing that the possibility of something greater awaits.

By the time people come to the training they've tried most everything and are skeptical if this really works. Well, take a look at what some of my students are saying and you'll see for yourself that the practice truly does work.

What Students are Saying

"Cynthia's course was life-changing for me. I struggled with over-reactivity and over-sensitivity in several of my closest relationships which made me feel like I had no control over myself. Using the tools and coaching from this course helped me shift from feeling like a petulant child to feeling like a wise adult in my most challenging personal relationships. I am forever grateful to Cynthia for her teaching and guidance." - Mickey H

"I am much more confident in all my interactions. My social anxiety is practically gone! I can banter, do small talk etc but also go deeper. People are opening up to me more and my connections with a wide range of people are growing. I am also getting clearer about my needs and expressing them more effectively." Sandra B

"I can honestly say that working with Cynthia in her Intentional Communication program changed my life. As someone who hasn't had much trouble in life speaking my mind, I was unsure at first how impactful this course would be for me, but was gratefully surprised by the outcome. Not only did it equip me to have powerful conversations with others in my life, but it presented me with a safe space to first have those honest and sometimes hard conversations with myself. I've achieved all of the goals I set while working with her, and as a bonus have become an example to those around me on communication. I'm more confident, proud, and calm because of what I know now, and I feel more free not only in my ability to express myself but in creating a space where others feel safe to do the same." Cheyenne G

"Before Cynthia's course I was having a hard time communicating with some people who were important to me. I was desperate to do something. My relationship with my grown son and his wife had deteriorated and I was seeing a similar pattern with my boss. I found myself searching for the right words to say, fearful to speak up, and in general, I had lost confidence in my communication skills. During the class I was able to identify my own thought patterns and where I was getting tripped up. Cynthia's class taught me tools and techniques to overcome those pitfalls. I learned a more preferable style of communication and was able to immediately put it into practice. As important as learning about how to speak to others, I learned how to speak to myself in a kind, honest and helpful manner. This class is one thing you can do that will change EVERYTHING! I highly recommend it." - Madeline R

 "I am more confident in my interactions. I swear less. I have less judgment if any at all. I am more present in my conversations. I am more patient and tolerant of others. I think more before I speak. I am more silent in conversations and allow others to finish speaking before I talk. I am in a better mood when I speak to people." Michelle G

"This course has been life changing. I was defensive, took on the emotions of other people and carried them with me for days, would be upset but not understand why and couldn't seem to express what it was. I would not listen to others when they spoke (I mean really listen). I would always try to insert my own opinion or advice- I'm certain most times it was never asked for. There needed to be a change. I found this course and the thing that really got me was that it described the course with the offer of helping but it didn't have any of those gimmicks or sales tactics. I think it simply said, if you are not ready to take this course this time, perhaps next time it is available you will be ready. Right there, I knew that was something unique so I signed up. I started out feeling reluctant, skeptical, and nervous that it would even work or help improve my communication. However, the course went step by step over the many weeks with the careful and patient guidance of Cynthia.

Each week, there was something new to learn and the steps built upon each other and I learned how to put it into practice. I learned from one on one and group coaching sessions. I learned how to listen to my inner voice and identify the emotions that I was experiencing that I never before could identify. I learned to be gentle and forgiving with myself when I made mistakes and this flowed into my interactions with others. I am now in a different space and a different person. Am I perfect? No, but when I act in a way that is not kind, honest, or helpful, I know how to handle it and circle back with the person whom I have affected and resolve things. This is a far cry from what used to happen where I used to keep digging and digging that hole even deeper and making things worse, and then hide. Now there may be difficult conversations but they aren't at the same level of difficulty and I am able to negotiate through them much better now and am not left with that horrible feeling inside that used to linger on and on. If you decide to take this course, you will be grateful that you did and I am certain that you will find it one of the most worthwhile experiences of your life." Danielle M